Sunday, May 06, 2007

It's Not Gay, It's Queer

I prefer the word "queer", not gay for this, because gay you are not. Gay means happy. You know you are not happy. If you were truly happy, you'd have no reason to end the misery. But you can let misery propel you to end the problem. Those who are comfortable and happy in this sin are lost - eternally, but I know that is not you.


Oh to be "gay"

I sit at table with my male friend
I look over and see a young man, and his "friend."
They are conspicuously dressed in 1920's hair and 1920's
sweaters. Something about the face is tight. It's awful.
One of them sees me. He begins to look longer. He begins
to look admiringly. He begins to look longingly.
I look again and catch him looking. He snaps head around to
avoid me. His friend returns. They leave the bar/restaurant
and he detours to pass by the window in front of my friend and me.
He looks at me. Deep inside, I gasp. I pray a prayer for his confusion because I believe he and his friend are "gay."

(I believe this was written when I was "too good to miss")

Homophobia makes sense. What if I AM capable of homosexuality? We know for sure that it can happen to a whole society, I mean, loosely recalling history I know that in Greece the military was 90% gay towards the end of their great civilization. End, that is. Get it? So, if Homosexuals inject their thinking full-force into the society trying to influence others, and are accepted - that's it! The writing is on the wall. Decline ahead. I believe we are seriously heading for a fall.

The man who plays "Will" in the TV show "Will and Grace" said on a recent talk show he believes we'll all be gay someday. Yeh, over my dead body, Mr. Know-it-all! That possibility is not something I would boast about on a talk show as he did. Interesting that he and the other main gay guy character are actually straight. Weird, but I was so happy to find it out. I thought they were straight. Why is that? What happens to a man that even converts his exterior self to reveal that he is "queer" indeed.

We do not know if we are capable of becoming Sodom and Gomorrah. It's about the collective mind. Christ seems to have more interest in us than that. Look at the door that has been opened to the enemy of our souls, allowing AIDS. Yet here is a crisis that could bring someone out of sin, if they let it. I do believe the disease comes from consequence, in general. (Therefore God can remove it on the behalf of the penitent one.) I have a right to fear not only disease, but also the moral disease that can erode a culture, that can desensitize people to what is right and wrong, that can weaken the moral fiber. Excuuuuuse me, then for my "homophobia," but I'm gonna say these things if it causes trouble, or not.

Of course one must not hate people for homosexuality as has been done in the past. We must not insist that people live in dark corners alone, unable to talk about the strange desires they are not able to control, and try to brush the problem and the people under the rug.

There is healing for the homosexual through basic principles laid down in the Bible, and that healing has perhaps been denied for too long, so we reap the consequences. As a society we eventually suffer as a whole for our neglect of homosexuals as their bitterness and hatred escalate. The power they have over us comes from the guilt we harbor deep down from our own part in the problem - our neglect.

The word homosexual means same-sexual (homo=same,) therefore the word applies to male or female and shouldn't be used to denote only males of that orientation.

In observing two lesbians, or female homosexuals, I noticed one was very pretty, the other looked like a lesbian (could that have been the perverse turning up of the corners of the mouth as she looked at me?) She had short, black hair, and a very rugged face. Ok, let me stop here and acknowledge - homosexual sex is a part of the human race because we all are capable of just going after kinky, wild forms of sex - it's in us. I am not exempt. Some are more vulnerable to that.

Back to the "queer" women - OOOOH isn't it just sweet and cozy? Together they left the cafe where I found them, the pretty one of the two, the unlikely one (of course), took the masculine role, surrounding the other one with her hands and arms. Because it's weird, it's kinky, it's not how it's supposed to be and that's rebellious. Rebellion can appeal to you if you have given up on the things you once loved that were right.

They are so "close." It led me to thinking...

1) Women get their periods at the same time when they live together. Ish. Yuck. The thought of touching another woman's menstrual blood, it makes me cringe. But for a man, it’s not a problem or disgusting at all. Why should it be? When the mind becomes perverse, when you want to rebel against what is normal, you can learn to overcome what would otherwise be objectionable. You can learn to love what is disgusting. The thought of oral sex with another woman-it also makes me nauseous. Involving myself with labia, or vaginal discharge (unless as a gynecologist) ISH! ISH! ISH! What possesses a woman so that she can love such a thing? Need I say?

2) Don't things hit these two over the head once in a while, such as, a woman can never truly make love to another woman with a part of her body, the one thing which makes sexuality between a man and woman extremely charged and strange, but fantastic? A man puts an extremely sensitive part of his own body inside the woman. This is the profound, the symbolic thing about heterosexual (normal) sex that is so essential and cannot in any way, shape, form be replaced in homosexual sex by either gender.

To say that it is replaced in any way is stupid and absurd. Doesn't it seem absolutely ridiculous, childish, flat and empty to be trying to simulate what a man does each and every time they strap on a fake penis? It should remind them that a man has a real flesh and blood penis. They don't care if this is absurd because they enjoy bashing God and God's beautiful creation. However, that is something we all are capable of, I want to add, but usually because the good things have been destroyed for us.

Always in male homosexual sex one person is uncomfortable or in pain while the other is getting a cheap, merely physical imitation of true, fulfilling sex. Interesting that God's ideal is that both parties feel ecstasy at the same time, with body parts complementing each other in a way that it is not painful, but also, homosexuals seem to miss the fact that there is a deep, spiritual component built into God's way of sex that is only present with male and female. Both feel wonderful sensations at the same time, but both fulfill some God-given need, in part, as they merge with the other sex.

It is as fundamental as God saying he made man in his image: male and female. The true Godhead is made complete as male and female unite. The mystery that Apostle Paul talked about lay in the fact that God has become the lover of mankind as male is lover to the female. It seems possible that the two become one because the oneness created is a total picture of the Godhead who himself said that his image is made up of male and female. (See Genesis.)

It amazes me that for the sake of whatever the homosexual is trying to 'prove' he or she endures third-rate sex that is merely the physical aspect of getting an orgasm or some kind of physical pleasure. It is shallow. There are those who try to say it is good sex. How unbelievable. How stupid. They are referring to an erotic experience that can in no way come close to what male and female can experience because of the dimensions God has placed within it. And in giving in, and going to the homosexual dimension, they have lost the ability to truly experience the mysterious, wonderfulness of what God has given to male and female.

God did not place within males and females the same dimensions with their own sex as he placed within male and female towards each other.

Homosexuals cannot see the third and fourth dimensions that cannot possibly exist between them. What? Do homosexual men find a perfect replacement in having the penis enter the part of the body that disposes of bodily waste? HA! What mockery of the creation! And that's what it is. It is mockery because it is forged in cynicism - when we give up on the good things.

When the penis is sinking into human feces - this perfectly replaces the union of male and female? What? While one man looks down at another man's back, and causes him pain while he finds momentary pleasure of the rankest kind? This is "wonderful?" HUH? Are you insane? I really think so.

Homosexual love is not actually love for your own sex - to the contrary. There is an underlying hatred or disgust for one's own sex, not to mention, there is hatred for the opposite sex, despite what many will claim. I have examined these things carefully, having also been tempted by the gay lifestyle. I have observed the fundamental basis for this temptation. It was deterioration that brought this temptation. It was the deterioration of my hopes regarding the opposite sex.

You see, when one is hurt by the opposite sex and after going ahead of God and indulging sexuality outside of a loving commitment, what God would have, one can become so deeply wounded. I can see clearly, having passed through these same portals more than once, where the spirit of the age was beating against my soul and where homosexual thoughts came flooding in and I had not the usual resistance.

I can see that there is a cynicism that comes in with the hurt, and homosexuality is a result of the cynicism. Ugh. Are you ready for the truth? Homosexuality is a compound of evils, of sins. These words cannot help the one who just doesn't care about all this. For those who never really cared about the good things, about God's good things, God's ways - this is meaningless. I am speaking to the ones who care, or who once cared.

Satan is lying to you. It has a lot to do with the collective unconscious of a place, and the spirits in that place, something I understand now but didn't then, when I first felt overwhelmed by a new temptation to perversion.

There I was, 28 years old, and let me tell you how heterosexual I am, how I've always adored the male. Yet, at 28, living in central Philadelphia surrounded by transvestites waiting for their turn to have their sex change at the Philadelphia hospital which is renowned for it's sex changes, I was being attacked by something new and unwelcome. I was being bombarded by homosexual thoughts.

Just prior to this I was living on the other coast in Los Angeles. The collective unconscious of that particular region is very powerful and controlling also. I had been influenced by the attitudes and behavior of L.A. at a time when some were choosing to escape typical lifestyles and try celibacy.

A new movement was under way called "neo-celibacy". The old kind was monks and nuns. The new kind was people reacting to the damage done by promiscuity, lust, and a casual environment for sex. A guy told me, "It's either become a neo-celibate or become gay." In other words: either get off the sex merry-go-round or let it take you even further into a wilder, cruder form of self-indulgence and perversion.

And I had just moved to Philadelphia where people weren't old fashioned anymore. Oh no! You can't let that "old world" exterior fool you. Brotherly love is now brotherly lust. I had stopped the destruction and become a neo-celibate a little too late. I had also gotten pregnant and it led to a miscarriage. Miscarriages are a lot more traumatic and dangerous than people realize. Post miscarriage is a time of mourning and a time of psychological vulnerability.

The damage had been done. Me - a raging heterosexual! I suddenly felt like putty, strangely without resistance to sensual thoughts and feelings. My head was reeling. I felt as if I was losing my mind. It didn't seem possible that I was getting thoughts of perversion, and I didn't want to admit it. Wow! I would know today exactly what was happening. The collective unconscious and the wicked spirits of a metropolis are controlling. Yes, I had to deal with something in me, but there was something outside of me I never understood.

Satan has been given a degree of power to be able to invade our thought lives. If you get a thought of perversion, why does it surprise you? You still have a flesh side of you and the enemy can influence it. There is no need for panic or to think you are now "gay." No one is gay, that is a lie. Everyone is either male or female, and everyone is capable of perverting the normal way of the genders. That your flesh would want to pervert sexuality should be no surprise. But if Christ has bought you, you can just say, "no" to the enemy. Just send the author of sin away, and confess your own sin.

I finally sought out the group called HARVEST at Tenth Presbyterian in downtown Philadelphia (restoration for the homosexual through Jesus.) Partly, I chose this ministry because it was all I could find in that town that had living, evangelical Christianity. Here at last were people whose lives had been truly transformed by Christ, and they were thankful to Jesus for it.

Finally, in the privacy of my own home I simply came to terms with the reality that I was capable of the sin of homosexuality, and that I had opened a door through my heterosexual sins. Something had been conceived within me, though not realized through experience. I simply confessed this to God, while in the bath, and asked him to cleanse me of this sin.

An important element is that I needed to recognize and confess that I could not stand in my own righteousness. No. I needed to come to the end of that, and to accept that I too could become homosexual and am capable of perversion. In the transaction that took place, I confessed my sin that had brought me to this place, but also received the righteousness of Jesus in place of my own. In that I found grace and strength to overcome.

Wham! I came out of that weird struggle OVERNIGHT. Simple confession and forgiveness are great weapons of the Christian. I was afraid that sin would grow in me and lead to actions, and confession stopped that.

It's important to note that I will always recognize the potential I have for that sin, and will never assume that I am beyond it. This gives me great power against it. It is our strongest defense. Self-righteousness will never hold up. It's His righteousness or no righteousness.

We are tested and tempted by our living in the world. Not being of the world is only possible in the strength of His righteousness replacing our own. Yes, the self-righteous attitude of those who do not feel tempted by homosexuality, and maybe never have, can be cruel and loveless.

Violence is an element of homosexuality. It exists in homosexuality because it exists wherever there is lust. I will later add scriptures that confirm this. There are several scriptures that link violence to lust. I will outline this in my essay entitled merely: "sexuality issues." The evidence is everywhere.

Homosexuality proves that there always have been two kinds of desire involved in human sexuality. One: the multi-dimensional longing to join with the body of the gender with which one can create new life, and find affection and love according to nature and God, i.e. male to female. Two: the desire for pleasure, for kinky diversions from love, for other people's spouses in order to play a game or cause pain (a destructive wish,) for a physical sensation and experience with anything or anyone for the sake of excitement, or the desire for someone in a kind of idolatry, or the desire for someone as a conquest for the sake of ego. These I label with one word: lust, whether they be between male and female or of the same sex.

Homosexuality is not only the second kind of desire; it is taking it to the next level, taking us deeper into bondage. It's lust gone completely wrong, completely out of control. It cannot have the dimensions of health and love, and it is not surprising that it has fostered so much disease (syphilis now occurs only between homosexual males, did you know?)

Don't give me your hare-brained sentiment about how homosexuality can belong to the first category if the situation is right! Homosexuality is intrinsically and without exception an evil diversion from healthy sexuality and nothing you can do can redeem it from that. You think marriage can redeem it? Hilarious.

You cannot experience love for your own sex and include lust, there is no possible way. Homosexuals have damaged the one relationship in which the most pure and self-less love can be found-fraternal love. What is fraternal love? It is an unselfish love felt toward a brother or sister, which does not include sensuality or sexual desire. Just as with our pets, we can get a non-sexual, and thus non-threatening touch from our brother or our sister, or our friend of the same gender. In homosexuality, this is being threatened.

It is one of the purest loves, right up there with mother or father love. It is a relationship in which we can retreat and know we are not being used, that there is nothing to be desired about us but our true selves. For the homosexual, lust has spilled over into that relationship too. There are no boundaries. There are no safe places.

I don't know how I could handle the tragedy of losing the beautiful love that I now can have with another woman or the tragedy of losing the protection I have against elements of desire that would pervade it.

To lose that would tell me to scream in terror. But because of an overwhelming deluge of perversion and of lust, the homosexual lives that nightmare which I cannot bear to imagine. Even in my relationships with men, it seems only the ones which do not include sexual desire are the ones that are lasting and demonstrate true love. In any relationship where we introduce sexuality, problems always seem to come so easily.

If sexuality is spilling over into all sorts of relationships where once one felt "safe" from them, one cannot experience this without misery, unless one is merely a devil or a son of the devil. How horrible when a father sees his daughter no longer as a beloved child but he sees her body, her sexuality and takes an interest only in the pleasure it might give him. How horrible when a person sees an animal and instead of having a divine respect for a species given by God to mankind for a divine purpose, sees it as a means of sexual pleasure. This could be a dog or a horse. Men have looked at the opening on a sheep, and seeing it’s not that different from a human female, they have decided to have sex with a sheep. What can you say about such a man? Such a person as this has lost all self-respect, all hope, all faith, all life, all love.

Do I have to remind you that AIDS reportedly began with someone doing this same thing with a monkey? There are built in consequences when sin goes to the extreme. Thank God. Without consequences we would not know for sure if anything was wrong.

Imagine, a man saw that a monkey is a higher species, and has an opening, a vagina similar to a woman, and says, "I'll have sex with that." He sees a boy, and since boys can be small and delicate with smooth skin, he can't see the difference between that and a soft, delicate woman. No boundaries!

Something horrible happens to a society where the boundaries surrounding those who should be protected, or those who are completely inappropriate for sex are destroyed. That society becomes very, very ill. And that's what I see happening, and my soul is troubled.

Satan is a thief, a killer and a destroyer. He wants nothing more than to see you and the culture around you sink into lust and perversion, with no boundaries, and uncontrolled passions and desires until you turn into a pile of mush! All the colors of relationships just run into one muddy mess. That way you and others will lose all strength and energy for life and lose all inspiration for the things that really matter and you and those around you will be destroyed. This is happening to our society. It is terrifying.

Why have so many societies and countries disappeared into fragments of history? Because Satan did them in too. They eventually were overtaken by passionate hatred, greed, anger, vengeance, lust, murder and perversion. Just think of where things can end up. Think of those strong characters of honor we depend on to hold our society together. If they get old and die and are not replaced, it is a tragedy.

Since this is such a long essay, I have divided it in half. See part 2.

To contact an organization that helps people resolve unwanted homosexuality, look up the website: called Exodus International or call 888-264-0877. There are thousands of success stories of kicking the gay lifestyle.


Althea said...

Well written article.

Gabrielle Eden said...

Thanks Althea, this is the first time anyone praised my writing about kicking the gay lifestyle. I've had others hotly contest it, calling me homophobic!

daniel said...

May God bless you. I'm a african american male whose struggled with the sin of homosexuality for some time and i can honestly say that i has bought nothing but emptiness. no matter how good the sex was it would lead to guilt and emptiness. Ive been lying to myself for a long time. i once called myself a believer of Christ but today i honestly understand that for these past nine years i wasnt living for Christ and that today I'm spiritually awaken. Thanks for this and for understanding that we all have the potential to sin or to yield to Christ..... Love in Christ.....

Gabrielle Eden said...

God bless you richly Daniel. I will be praying for you. Don't give up the good fight of the faith. Go to win over sin to read about my fight with sexual sin, and eventual victory over it.

God never gives up on us. We only choose sometimes that we will stop trying to get better.

Ann Burlingham said...

Wow, what creepy, sad ignorance.