As a girl, an adolescent, I was interested in other girls' bodies as an extension of my own. My interest was in the sexuality of the body and I was not attracted to females. Adolescent girls are afraid of experiencing real sex (I mean, so it was in the mid-1960's,) but they are fully aware of it and extremely curious. There's excitement in exploring other girls' bodies as a way to get familiar with one's own sexuality, but this is far removed from desiring another girl as a sexual partner, or from having a longing for romance with another girl. This seems to be more acceptable for females than for males, so I hear.
When I turned 16, I remember a female friend in my High School class who was sensual and had been violated - more by the culture than anything else. She had been in some very shallow sexual relationships for a couple years already with older men. I was staying at her home for a weekend and I remember lying next to her one night and having thoughts of 'playing around' with her as I had done at about 12 or 13 years of age.
Suddenly the thought caused fear and revulsion. Suddenly it seemed evil and inappropriate, because I had passed the point where it was no longer innocent. I had reached the age of accountability, but also, God had placed His spirit within me through excellent evangelical teaching, and it was His spirit, not me that gave me that check inside.
What causes a young woman to be attracted to this very same evil that suddenly presented itself to me that year, rather than resist it? What makes this a desirable thing to the lesbian? It is a pathological condition, a weakness that makes good and evil indistinguishable in terms of consequences. It comes from nothing more complicated than our basic evil nature, the sin we were born into.
If you continue in something sinful, including perversion, demons will surely find you and seek to overtake you. Where people continue in heterosexual or homosexual sex even when they know it will give them AIDS, just to have the full sensation of unprotected sex, the demonic is evident and present there.
Here is an example of the beauty of the multi-dimensional experience of normal, healthy male to female sexuality that I have experienced.
A policeman dropped me off at a convenience store during the dead of a cold, long winter years ago, because my car had broken down on the highway. This was to help me to find a phone. At the store I discovered a young man I'd worked with at a security company a couple summers before. At that time he was only about sixteen and a half, but now at eighteen, he was the picture of masculinity with only traces of boyhood left behind.
He was adorable! There was something so innocent about him, so unspoiled; yet he seemed bursting with the thoughts and feelings of a grown man. I looked at him and literally sent a thought up to God, "this is the object of my greatest desire." Just as my thought emerged, the young man turned, looked at me and smiled.
The affirmation this gave me is something unparalleled on earth. The ordeal I was having with the car and being in a lonely place in the middle of "urban-sprawl" was softened, even made happy by this young man.
I remember thinking how the feelings he was giving me were health to my mind, my body. This was not a sordid lust - this was the purest and surest form of the basic attraction we all feel who long for the opposite sex. The warmth that came from him was almost a tangible river. I could feel it. I think when we feel this desire, this pure, healthy version of sexuality, we are ministered to.
When I sit next to a homosexual male in a cafe or a computer lab - wherever, and he's someone who has all the obvious signs of being gay, almost inevitably I can clearly observe that he cannot, or will not share the current that often runs between a male and me similar to the one described above. He coldly shuts me out, except in the case of the type of gay man I described in part one, where by some accident he is attracted to me. Otherwise, the cold is also almost as tangible as ice. Again, I want to mention that homosexuality carries with it a face, a look, a sound in the voice - that is so unattractive. Think about it - why does it change one's appearance and voice?
That's why it didn't surprise me that the actor in Will and Grace isn't gay. He isn't gross enough.
Does this not alert the gay person to the truth about him, that he is living a big lie? Yes, and I also know that many who are caught in the gay lifestyle feel trapped, regardless of how hideous they may seem. That prison has been opened by Jesus Christ.
The gay person suffocates and twists what is so profoundly basic in us all. He causes himself ill health, damage. Lesbians and gays are trying to undermine the most fundamental area of their lives! Can you imagine rejecting something as basic as your gender? How miserable!
Adam wasn't happy in Paradise because he was alone. As the saying goes it was Eve not Steve, her, not him who made the difference. God made her out of him so she wouldn't be something that much different, i.e., "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." It was not God's idea to create anything so far from Adam, just something that would reciprocate needs and feelings in a way that would be far better than something identical. And male and female is one of the most basic and concrete plans God ever showed us. I laugh to think of going against that.
I think of the profound way in which God did that, how men do compliment me and provide so much that a woman can't. I am in awe of this perfect idea and the fact that so much of that perfection is still present in the world. After all this time I still see my Adam in so many men, having a part in Eve. If you do not accept the biblical story, I cannot convince you or find any frame of reference for you.
How is it that homosexuals have gained so much ground in our society today that we are being told how to think, how to act? There has begun an undermining of our foundations through deadly, "snaky" brainwashing.
Don't impose upon me your same-sex mentality! Lesbianism can only undermine the beautiful love between my mother and myself in which sexuality would be absurd, or the love between me and my blood sisters, and all wonderful loves between me and other mothers and sisters who come into my life.
I will defend to the death these safe, non-sexual relationships against the systematic and lecherous undermining going on, by minds so open their brains are falling out!
How can you live day-by-day killing the power of biological urges, which go to the core of our survival? These urges have caused men to worship women in monosyllabic tones, and these urges have caused women to go through hell in order to have the child they have been told it is not possible to have with the man they love.
How can anyone live in opposition to the first and most basic thing God built into our life on Earth every day of their lives and not only that - also brag about it?
What kind of insane bitterness from rejection or what revulsion of nature could possess such people? Think about it.
There is a deluge that has begun to move in our direction in Western society - starting with the acceptance of the disease of homosexuality, under the guise of coming to the aid of the people afflicted by it, and feeding off of every shred of guilt we may have from ill treatment in the past of homosexuals. And what is our defense? What is our survival packet? Here it is:
A) Ask God to show you that you too are capable of homosexuality. It seems strange, it hurts, and it's ugly to see such a thing within you. No one is above this sin. NO ONE! It shouldn't surprise us to see this within us.
B) Confess your sinfulness to God and ask God to cleanse and purge you. It doesn't matter if you have sinned in this area already or not. Repentance and forgiveness are two of the greatest weapons of the Christian, in fact, two of the greatest luxuries. You will find power. Use communion - it is also powerful, and rightfully yours if you desire to separate from sin.
C) Live life free from heterosexual lusts. Heterosexual lust leaves the doors wide open to homosexuality.
D) Above all - find Christ's righteousness through his death and resurrection. Do not rely on your own righteousness - a deadly trap.
If Jesus was tempted even in homosexuality, since we know he was tempted in all points but without sin...and if he was tempted with homosexual thoughts but was not weirded out by this, nor did he tell himself "I must be gay," then you too can face the temptations to perverted thoughts without owning them, without letting them pigeonhole you..
E) Failure in relationships with people of the opposite sex doesn't have to freak you out. Many are experiencing failure today, because it takes two to make it work, and you can't control the other person's choices. It can take time to iron out all the kinks that have come from the things that haven't been right in one's life. Find the wisdom of patience.
F) You need to learn about inherited sin. Yes, it's true that our genetics can bring homosexuality, because sin patterns and tendencies are inherited. It doesn't make it natural. It means that it gets passed down. Lucky you. Jesus broke all curses at the cross and can break yours.
G) The good news is that if something is a sin, all we need to do is repent, and Jesus will wash us from it. This was such a breakthrough revelation when I had bulimia years ago.
As soon as I got out of high school, I began to gain weight instead of the killer metabolism that I was used to whereby the burning metabolism consumed all that I ate. Suddenly I needed to eat much less but wasn't used to that. I became discouraged and depressed, and wanted to eat for emotional reasons. I was used to overeating as a teen too when my metabolism was so strong. But then it hadn’t made me fat.
I was so blessed to know that gluttonous eating was a sin and all I needed to do was repent, because then according to the scriptures 'if we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' Repentance, then, has the power to cleanse us from whatever the problem. Any other type of problem is not as easy to remove if it is not a sin we are committing.
Homosexuality is a compound of sins, therefore a serious condition and not easily overcome, yet nothing is impossible for God. It is rebellion against the simplest most basic plan and design of God. This rebellion may be forged out of an extreme hurt or disappointment, causing us to lash out at God, who we feel has betrayed us. It is lust, the kind I have described in another essay, a hateful, unkind, unloving wish for another person. It is perversion - twisting something out of its original and intended shape. It is hate and violence.
There is no love in sexuality that is against God's way of sexuality because God is LOVE. It is a serious sin condition that breeds in affluent and complacent societies like ours. If you have fallen in, it’s not too late. God has an answer. Call on the Lord and you will be delivered.
I feel terrible for those who are plagued by homosexuality, who have found they are vulnerable to this.
I will offer you my compassion, to find healing and be restored to the person you were meant to be, but I cannot respond to you as long as you expect me to believe that you are normal.
Note: I have encountered trouble in completing this project. I feel sure that the subject I have just presented to you is one of the enemy angel's most treasured conquests in the world today and that certain principalities and rulers of this present darkness in the world desire to propagate the homosexual kind to the furthest degree possible.
As in the days of the prophets of Baal, I know my God is the one who can consume the works of our enemy gods.
Go in peace. The force of the Holy Spirit is with you!
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