Good Friends Are Sort Of Like Angels....

you don't have to see them to know they are there.

from a card shop in Missouri-

I found the perfect gift for you...

but you don't need it, and it's too expensive and I can't afford it, and Christmas is so materialistic and we might as well give the money we would otherwise spend on gifts to charity, so I'm not buying it! What was it? Never mind.



Eden orig. greeting card-

Hospitality Card For Cat Lovers

Thanks for the hospitality...I felt just like one of the litter.

a card I found-

Even my Adult ADD hasn't kept me from remembering your birthday....

Merry Christmas!

from a card shop in Minneapolis-

Christmas is a Time for Families....

a time to remember why you left home and why you never want to go back.

from a card shop in Minneapolis

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

A time when the whole world seems to say, "I'm miserable!"




Eden orig. greeting card

It's That Time of Year Again

It seems that when Christmas rolls around there is a sense of discontent, or unhappiness out there. Maybe there are plenty of people who do OK until this season that emphasizes the importance of family and relationships comes again. I've had unbearable times at Christmas in the past, being emotionally and mentally distraught, but this year is gonna be better.

I remember Joyce Meyer, in my formative years (as a Christian) saying: first one must work on one's relationship with God, and then with people, in that order. And that makes sense to me because I was closed up to God for a good while until a day came when I wanted more relationships with people. I lived alone with three cats and was in deep fellowship with God.

I would worship Him in my home and read His word and good books. I worked on my relationship with God. Then one day I found I needed a roomate. I got the best roomate, the perfect roomate - this young lady who went to a Christian college where I also went for a while. This was a healing time for me. I even got rid of two of my cats, partly because I felt that I had replaced people with cats and didn't want to do that anymore. (later I regretted it and went out and got Tubby, a new cat)

Anyway, it must be that plenty of folks have gotten their careers underway, but somehow haven't succeeded in the relationship area, and most likely, that starts with their relationship to God.

Once there are hurts and disappointments, resentment is the easiest thing to feel. That spirit of resentment can be like a giant hawk or vulture trying to impale my heart with its claw, saying, "you must be resentful too! I'm not letting you go!" Ach. That's why Jesus says the Son will set you free. Resentment is bondage.

I have progressed, I think, now to the point where I am living with my parents again - something I didn't think possible. I am really enjoying living with them, and if you've read what I've said about my dad, you'd know this is progress. There is also healing in my rel. to my siblings. I went traveling because I wanted to meet and connect with lots of people, and did. The time of fellowship with God and His word changed me!

I just pray for any of you hurting at this time of year. I pray that if you are lonely you will find God in that lonely place, and develop your relationship with Him. And that from there your relationship to humans will improve more and more. Having a family (or not) doesn't matter as much as having a relationship to God. And may you truly be merry this Christmas!

Now There is a Contest

to have the "best" blog. Go to 2006 Weblog Awards Oh brother! Now we have competition in another area altogether. We live in a much too competitive society where an individual can't be valued in his own rite, do you think? Comparing blogs is like comparing one person's friends to someone else's friends. It's totally personal. Like I could say one person's blog is my favorite, but then all my other blogging visitors would be hurt, maybe.

Beta is Betta?

I have worked out some very important problems, thanks to kingdavid, by switching to beta. I can make bold print, italics, place an URL in a sentence that you can click on so it will take you to that site, and I now have a list of links. So, beta is betta, in some ways.

I thought I solved my problem with how to click and drag photos and text within a post. But, it still gives me problems. I can highlight, click and drag, but not if it requires scrolling down the page. Photo downloading onto posts has been OK until blogger suddenly freezes and won't allow it.

And, I still can't get a photo on my profile. Ach. The add page feature for the square that appears just above, About Me and Links, etc. offers a photo download. When I go to get a photo on there, it allows me to browse, go into my computer, open the file with my photo, and upload, but the circling thing with the exclamation point in the middle of the triangle thing just keeps circling and circling and never stops. The upload isn't complete then.

Now when I want to back up from leaving comments, there is a window to contest with that asks to select a button saying, yes, I want to gravitate away from this page and it's annoying.

And, since beta, there have been far too many freezes where a window comes up saying it's a google error, and the server is having a problem, "wait 30 seconds."

I am still wondering how to add music to my blog, such as Kev did on his blog, and how to customize the background of my blog. I want red, white and blue in my background. If anyone can tell me how, I'd appreciate it.

Gimme The Food

Photo compliments of Donny Prater

My Political Stance

I'm actually very naive politically. I don't know if I'm just lazy, but I don't know a whole lot. But I can look at people and see character, and I can look at issues and see the gist of them, even if I don't get all the details. We have come to a dramatic point in history, where things have never been more black and white. I'm sorry, but if you choose the liberal mindset, you are deceived, because it is dangerous, very dangerous.

I am convinced that the liberal mind is conceived in excessive prosperity and complacency. It is forged in the belief that one has the luxury of sitting back and choosing things that sound compassionate or open-hearted, or just sounds like one is more reasonable and open-minded, instead of seeing urgency and danger. It is not founded on reality.

Terrorists, who are forged in third world countries where most of the people are desperate and taught to hate us for our prosperity, and who may be right about the corruption it has produced in us, are not trying to teach us the error of our ways. They are out to simply kill and destroy us. They are not open-minded and compassionate. They are plotting at this moment whatever surprise attack they can conjure, which we've already seen can be cunning and unprecedented. 9/11 was only the beginning!

They also have at their base the exact same hatred that propelled Hitler - they hate the Jews and have a firm belief that America is run by the Jews. They are plotting every day how to spill our blood - our precious blood. Liberals will then say, to be open-minded, "but we are shedding their precious blood!" But this is the result of war. When someone declares war on you, you fight back. You have no choice. It's do or die.

Liberals are deceived because they don't recognize one basic truth: War has already been declared on us by a new Hitler! I can't believe the naive response to 9/11 that pervades our country. Now that it is past, many look back at 9/11 and put a nice bow around it and say, "how sad that this happened," and go on with acquiring material goods and being comfortable.

When the attacks of 9/11 occurred, war was being declared on us by the radical Muslim third world. We have no choice. It seems so stupid to me to disagree with the war in Iraq when we are already at war whether we like it or not! What will it take? It will take all of the liberals having their children beheaded by the terrorists who hate them. And that goes for the English and French and German westerners as well. Unless, after the beheading they say, "those poor terrorists must have it pretty bad back home. That's OK, I don't need kids."

I can hardly bear the naivety that I see, and the unbearable liberal slant of the media that helps to perpetuate it.

As for Republican versus Democrat, I can't believe that Democrats who prefer to be thought of as devout Christians, can't see the black and white issues: abortion, stem cell research on human embryos, wasting our money, defending the right of terrorists to kill us, homosexual marriage, etc. etc. etc. I can't even talk about this without getting livid! Voting Democrat because Dems cleverly exposed one Republican for his indiscretions, or one pastor who doesn't reflect the character of even half of pastors country-wide is ridiculous! There, I have said it. That is my stance. You can't change it, you just have to live with it, or just ignore me.

flag photo: Time

BLOGGING IS GREAT!

I am waiting to get approved for financial aid to go back to school and I'll be studying video production, which of course opens the door to work in film. In the meantime I'm working a dull, boring job doing a type of sales so dumb I don't even want to tell you.

Anyway, during this interim, I find blogging to be part of my sanity, spending hours a day on the internet. And why is it so great? It is how each person shows the best of him/herself. Each blogger is giving a beautiful capsule of his/her life and each of us can go to the site and have our horizons broadened, and get a shot of humor or something thought provoking to keep us going.

This way we live above a mere existence. This is a way for Christians to live out their faith. This is a way for others, like a sweet young man from the United Arab Emirates who visited my blog months ago, can learn more about our American life or our Christian life. Of course, we can learn more about them too.

The best thing about it is that it's a way to get published now! We push one button that says "publish!" How many of us have wished to write a book or a film but wondered if it would ever get read? Thank you all for your blogs and your good work putting them together. As time goes on my list of sites to visit grows and my horizons keep getting broader!

Only for Survival

ABC news reports that an Oregon woman was stranded for 9 days in the frozen wilderness with her baby daughters and kept them alive by breast-feeding them, until rescued by a copter.






It made me think of how all you guys would probably wish to get stuck with a woman in a frozen wilderness for say, a month with only one source of survival...well, I think you know where I'm headed with this...and I'm treading on thin ice here.

I Voted For Good Looking!

I don't know if you've noticed, but you could vote Republican simply because you wanted to vote for the best looking people. Theory why Republicans are better looking: they aren't blown about by every wind of every change and they aren't so openminded that their brains are falling out. Note: Sarah Durenberger's opponent not pictured because I can't remember who her opponent was, but probably not someone good looking. Pictured: Kerry-DFL, President of the United States George W Bush-GOP, Mike Hatch-DFL, Tim Pawlenty, governor of Minnesota-GOP, Sarah Durenberger-GOP, Patty Wetterling-DFL, Michelle Bachmann-GOP, Keith Ellison-DFL, Alan Fine-GOP, Ann Rest-DFL, Derek Brigham-GOP Another good looker, not pictured: Norm Coleman, senator-GOP
It's so easy to vote Republican, just pick out the finest looking people! I think I've made my point!

Note: the Dems voted ugly, and most of them won! You see, they have no rhyme or reason.

photos come from each person's personal website

Check It Out

At last I have found a blog that speaks my language: humor, rightwing philosophy, and grounded in Christ. Kingdavid, as he calls himself, is at The Far Wright. Hilarious guy with his "Mocha-momma." Also, I want to mention ABC News on the internet. I go there every day, because I have discovered that they are at least impartial and bi-partisan in their approach. They were the only ones who reported that Ted Haggard had stepped down from his position as opposed to being fired. They interviewed people at his church and in general, gave a more comprehensive coverage of the scandal. I have discovered articles, like the editorial by Mike Gallagher mentioned in my post, "Not all Muslims are Terrorists.." and I find them refreshing.

I've also now found several other men with blogs worth mentioning (besides kingdavid) who are somehow connected. There is Hammerswing 75 and Night Writer and kingdavid's ministry site Solid Rocks Ministry. There's Donny Prater's blog A Man Coming Alive and Kev's blog What's Up With Kev?, who I think came on through trailady at My Journey. All these are men of God aiming for the prize.

Also, I want to mention Scott Bonnell and David who I've been visiting for a while. David has been a dear friend on the web.

Things I Can't Do....

yet. Maybe I'm just stupid, but....I haven't been able to do these things yet:

1. Post a picture of myself next to my profile
2. Post a list of my links
3. When referring to an URL somewhere else, create an underlined reference to it which you can just click on
4. Post music to my blog
5. Create my own background for my blog
6. Make a bold print on my posts when I want to emphasize something
7. Think like a Liberal "Leftie"

Here is picture of myself I want next to my profile. Pretty hot eh?

Not all Muslims are Terrorists

...but all terrorists are Muslims!

MIKE GALLAGHER, radio talk show host

The Prosperity Message

I picked up Jim Bakker's book called "Prosperity and the Coming Apocalypse" because I thought it might have some insight on what happened to Ted Haggard. It did. I didn't want to read the book because I thought how ironic that Bakker was writing about the dangers of materialism, but making some more money on his books. Regardless, he has some great insights gained through his mistakes.

He reminds me again of how comfortable we are in the West, and what danger we are in. We suffer from the dangers of prosperity as a whole in America just because most of us are so comfortable. Christians have gotten sidetracked from the basic principles in the Word of God regarding denial of self and taking up one's cross to follow Christ. We like "church Light" where we don't have to deal with issues of sin or deal with any serious problems that other folks are having.

Ted Haggard certainly fell prey to the deceitfulness of riches. He fell into self pleasuring and indulgence..and pride.

I just want to say, after hearing responses to what happened in Colorado at New Life church, that we seriously err if we dismiss it by saying, "it could happen to any of us, and we're no better," or, "what about the men of the Old Testament and all their sins?" If I had been at New Life church and had put a lot of trust in Haggard, and then learned about his double life, I would have been cast into a state of shock and probably an involuntary fast for days.

I read that the church leaders declared that they were treating this as no worse than having an affair with another woman, and not making anything of the fact that it was about gay sex. Talk about submitting to the politically correct agenda that the gay community has taught them. They were afraid to make a stand! The men of the Old Testament had some racey affairs with women, but what would THEY have to say about gay sex? What did Paul say? He said these things are not even to be named.

Instead of not taking a stand, the response should be like in the Old Testament where they tore their clothes and put ashes on their heads. It should cause such an overwhelming response that there is no way any one in that church will ever be the same. What has happened is serious. It should cause us to finally come face to face with how far many of us are from living the truth. New Life was living a lie, as some other churches have, and it should cause thunder to ripple through the body of Christ worldwide.

If we dismiss it under the guise of not being "judgmental," we will miss the opportunity for true change, for true repentance and reconciliation for those who have erred.

Like Jim Bakker I am afraid for us who are unprepared for reality. I am afraid for those of us who have strayed from the pure gospel because we are going to "pay the piper" down the road and it will hit hard.

I have to admit that I was infected by the prosperity message too, and out of embarrassment, I have deleted an earlier post telling how God has promised to give me a large sum of money. I simply have never been able to make much money and didn't see how I could reach higher and fulfill my dreams of being able to go to other countries, etc. unless God gave me the money.

But let's face it, having large sums of money is dangerous for our souls, proven time and time again. I was just listening to U2 on a CD, thinking of how they are billionaires and I'm listening to their stuff, and what effect does that have on me? Does it put me in an imaginary world where I am unprepared for future troubles? U2 members were Christians who got disillusioned. They are decent people who try to help the world, but I never heard that they resolved their doubts about Christianity (I still haven't found what I'm looking for) They have made billions off that! They seem like good people but what has prosperity really done to them?

It's something to think about.

Hawaiian Good Luck Sign

A pastor heading the Alpha course I'm taking read this to us last Sunday night...

Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes:

The other day, I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked,I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy and then leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God! GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard something about a "sunny beach."

I saw another waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson, in the back seat, what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing..why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window, and gave them all the Hawaiiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Signed,
Grandma

New Cat

Photo update on Thanksgiving. "Buddy" fills the void left by the loss of my two cats. Here he is on his back so you'll rub his stomach.

FAHRENHEIT 451

This is just a beautiful photo, but also an eerie reminder of that movie of Ray Bradbury's novel where firemen STARTED fires instead of putting them out. They burned people's books so no one could be educated or an independent thinker. The movie, made in the 60's, shows every home with a large TV built into the wall - way before their time. People would sit in their homes and someone would give them directions through the TV. Whenever I see a digital wall TV now I think of that movie. This is where Michael Moore got the idea for his movie title "Fahrenheit 9/11" What a shame to waste such a cool title on such a bad movie.

It's actually a picture of French firefighters carrying flames in a strike demanding better pensions.

Is Jim Carrey Hot or What?

Here is a photo taken of Carrey visiting the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes wedding, and is he hot or what? Girls, let's take a vote on this. Is Jim Carrey just hot or totally hot? He has been my favorite comedy actor.

Who is that girl in the car with him? Grrrrrr!

How often Do You Hear About Heroes in Iraq?

Almost Never.


Pictured are Jay Blessing and Michael Boatright, young heroes who died in Iraq. Just go to Iraq War heroes. to see all the young people who have died for you! I want to thank them, but I can't.

LETTER FROM..

My sister, who now resides in Germany, sent me this:

Mr. And Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton often insists her husband go
with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He
prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day
Mrs. Fenton recieves this letter from Wal-Mart:


Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below.


Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in
Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
ladies rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares..... And watched what happened.


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices
again!!!!"

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

My Favorite Breed

The English Bulldog! Look at that mug on him.. Isn't he the cutest thing?

Photo compliments of Scott Bonnell

A "haggard" ministry

(see the dictionary definition)

Here it is again - the ultimate hypocrisy! And again we are wounded, the body of Christ. How can someone end up doing things that are so far afield from what he represents and worse, what he preaches? There are some clues.

I can't believe that I visited the New Life church in Colorado Springs not long ago. it was the end of 2004, when I began my travels across the U.S. It was winter and I took my two cats in a Dodge Neon, heading South - the passion of every Minnesotan. The reason I was at this church was not because of seeing Ted Haggard on TV specials where he was more or less a spokesman for evangelical Christianity. It was because of the young man who wrote most of the music for the Desperation band, a contemporary worship band that embodies the deepest worship and the greatest anointing of any American worship band I've heard so far.

This young man (I've forgotten his name) was leading worship at New Life church in addtion to his work in the Desperation Band. I heard which church he was at and decided to check it out.

I arrived in the afternoon. Colorado was wonderfully sunny and warmer than home. I was enjoying that.

There is a building next to the huge church building that houses the sanctuary. This building is the "international prayer center" also run by New Life. I entered the prayer center and was greeted by a receptionist. I talked to her for a while and then went to check out the bookstore and look around. It had this opulence and this conspicuous materialism written all over it. I thought, "ugh - megachurch, megabucks!"

It just smelled so much the same as a church in Minneapolis that I attended. I attended until I could no longer stand their constant pleas for money. I just thought, "I didn't come this far to find the same thing that turned me off back home!"

There was a worship service that night, a Saturday, and I didn't even go, in spite of the anointed, talented young man I had hoped to see. I was just too depressed about the "top of the iceberg" I was seeing. I knew there would be more to be disappointed about that I hadn't yet seen.

Ted Haggard began down the wrong road when he let ministry become this big business, when he allowed his ministry to become this megachurch that took in lots of dollars but most likely didn't stoop to get involved in the lives of all its parishioners. Here are the mistakes he made:

1. He allowed ministry to become a road to wealth and he succumbed to the temptations of wealth.

2. By being "on top" he succumbed to the temptation to avoid accountability. He was too good for everyone and didn't have to answer to anyone. In that state he went as far as living a double life.

3. He didn't see that Satan would try to deceive and snare him, especially in his position of being highly respected.

Why is it that men like Haggard (Swaggert and others) seem to enjoy the fact that they have hidden sins, living exactly contrary to what they preach? The only answer could be pride.

How this hurts all those in ministry who labor and sweat to make ends meet while waiting for provision from God, and who pour their hearts, souls, minds and bodies into meeting the needs of those in their care!

Hypocrisy kills. My father lived a double life as a pastor and it almost ruined me and my brothers and sisters as far as faith. He preached the word and lived a lie. In my father's case he has always seen himself as beyond reproach and always right, unable to look at himself in a mirror. We could never understand why and we still don't understand since he hasn't changed. He inflicted pain on me and my siblings and to this day continues to berate, degrade, criticize and abuse my mother. She forgives and forgives, but unfortunately, has been an "enabler" by never forcing him to confront himself, perhaps by leaving him. As a pastor he could live without accountability, having only "yes" men (his family) surrounding him.

He's afraid to abuse me any more because he does feel somewhat guilty about maybe screwing up my life. He has apologized to me, so he hasn't been a total failure. He did show love in some ways throughout our childhoods as well.

But it is a mystery to this day how a man can live such a double life and then live with himself. We all pray "God save us" from such a life, and save us from such people.

photo: abc news

Life is a leaf

We must let it grow, let it fall and touch it ever so carefully so we don't break it.

Gabrielle Eden

photo compliments of Kim and Chris at http://www.mcbridefun.blogspot.com

RESTLESS COWBOY

See The Onion for their hilarious item on The Restless Heart Syndrome, and cowboys who can't sit still. I just want to point out that I'm a restless cowgirl. I mean, how can you be a healthy adult and live someplace like Minnesota and not long for the panorama of The Grand Canyon and the year round sunshine of Arizona, or the breathtaking views on the Big Sur in California?

I was in the state of being sedentary before this, but I gotta say that Jesus puts a fire under you so that you can't sit still, you just want to get out and meet people. This is what happened to me and I spent one and a half years traveling all over the U.S.

Autumn Baby

THE TERMINATOR

Can you believe this? Do you remember the "date doctor" in the movie "Hitch"? Well, now in real life there is the "breakup doctor" or "relationship terminator"! This man is Bernd Dressler of Berlin, Germany and he started his own agency called "The Separation Agency." He helps couples break up by going to the dumpee and telling him/her that it's over. He does everything from making a phone call to retrieving items from the "ex." If you can't afford much you can just order the phone call. This guy could really get himself in some trouble. Source:http://www.dailymail.co.uk

Silver Gravy Ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roomate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roomate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roomate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roomates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came over for dinner I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?

John replied, "Well I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, and I am not saying you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son. I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

(this is not my own, but was read by a pastor at the Alpha course I'm taking)

Unplugged!

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

(not mine. It was read by a pastor at my Alpha course)