Church Bloopers

I stole this from kingdavid and if he wants to fine me, what can I do? It's just that this is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. Church can be a very hilarious place, after all.

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals
* The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
* Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
* Don't let worry kill you off. Let the Church help.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth into Joy.'
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days!
* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn-sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All Ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours.'