Top Ten Worst Reasons Why You Can't Go Out With Someone

1. "My car suddenly wouldn't start this morning, and if your car is working well enough to come and see me, well, then I am also ill today. Sorry."

2. "I was captured by aliens, and I have to go re-set all my clocks."

3. "I have to wash my hair, sorry."

4. "I have an ingrown toenail."

5. "I just found out I'm gay, and I need to be alone for awhile."

6. "It's Sunday. I'm keeping the Sabbath, and that means no dating."

7. "Elvis dropped in for a snack, and I'm all out of peanut butter and ice cream."

8. "My mother is having a kniption, and I have to help her get the schpeelchus out of her gnectegezoink."

9. "I WON THE LOTTERY! When I went to claim the dough, I exchanged the check for a bag of large bills and someone robbed me. As a result, I am completely depressed and more broke than ever after paying a lawyer and a private detective to solve the case. Consequently, I am also very ill today."

10. "Someone predicted that it's the end of the world, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend my last night with you."

Co-writer: My dear friend Dominic (an unknown with the comic equivalent of just about any top-notch pro)