Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Nun In A Cab



A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "my son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you have to be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish."
"That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

(this is not an Eden-original. It was read aloud by a pastor at my "Alpha" course)

"Are my teeth white enough? I hope they can't tell I have bad gas!"

John Kerry thoughts while addressing a California crowd.

Eden original fake-news

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe Call It Quits...

after seven years of marriage! The reasons:

Reese said, "it's not enough being the cutest girl in movies, being famous, getting an Oscar and being married to an attractive young man. There must be more!" She further went on to say that she is tired of being happy.

Ryan said, "I know she's attractive and delightful, we're rich, she's famous, but I have needs! That's why I have a wandering eye."

The couple also stated that they know about the "seven year itch" and they just wanted to make the deadline.

Eden original fake-news
photo: abc news

Thursday, October 26, 2006

"I'm Gonna Sneeze" said Vice President Dick Cheney



as he talked in a radio interview about the idea of dunking a terrorist suspect in water for interrogation purposes.

Eden original fake-news.

MARS ROVER BEGINNING TO HATE MARS


Unmanned Vehicle 'Bored Out Of Its Mind'
October 26, 2006

PASADENA, CA - NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory scientists overseeing the ongoing Mars Exploration Rover Mission said that the Spirit's latest transmissions could indicate a growing resentment of the Red Planet.

"The thousand or so daily messages of 'NO WATER' really point to a crisis of purpose," said project manager John Callas.

From The Onion

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

SEE the movie "Obsession"



And I don't mean the movie by the same title by Hitchcock(?)about romance gone wrong. (I think it was one of those "film noirs")

This current movie's subtitle is "Radical Islam's War Against The West." It is excellent and a must-see for every single American about the looming danger of RADICAL Islam and the brewing hatred toward US and everyone that doesn't fit into the radical agenda of extremists.

After seeing it I wondered why more Americans aren't already dead and was awakened to the point being made that all radical Islam has at its base the hatred of Jews - just like Hitler. Hitler even had some involvement with the breeding of radical Islam during his time here, much to my surprise!

This shows just how asleep we are, but for how long?

Iraqi Leaders Call For Moment Of Violence during Ramadan



BAGHDAD- Ha ha ha. Just the title in The Onion strikes me as hilarious. It reads, "all of us fighting for control of this land...have one thing in common.We all share a deep and abiding commitment to murder, mayhem and massacre as a means of achieving our various ends."

WOULD YOU PAY $139M FOR THIS ANYWAY?



DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS?! A Vegas casino magnate accidentally poked a hole through his pricey Picasso - right after selling it for $139 million! The guy was gesturing with his hands and suddenly his elbow went through it.

I think $139 million is too much to pay for one guy's depiction of mankind as fragmented. Don't you?

Friday, October 06, 2006

"Wait, I have to sneeze," said Vice President Dick Cheney


as he talked about the breakdown of an old media monopoly as one of the most favorable trends during his years in politics....

Eden original fake news

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I GUESS I'M THANKFUL!



because I actually have this great family. I have this great mother who gives and gives and loves and loves. And though she's 80, she is young for her age and is full of energy. She is always getting the family together and making food for everyone. She is always thinking of others. I have five siblings and a cousin who is like a brother. I have nephews and nieces. We all love each other and are in close contact with one another. My sister who lives in Germany just visited and we ended years of silence and rivalry and had a great time together. Now we have each other as well. She brought her daughter who is at that great age of 13.

My oldest brother, a lawyer, is coming from California this coming weekend to visit. We just had a huge family reunion centered around my mom's 80th birthday. All her brothers and sisters came to visit and we had a great time. They are all young for their age like she is and love her very much. I finally realize that I'm lucky, I guess.

My siblings are all amazing people. My oldest brother is a lawyer and has two adopted daughters from China. My older sister has raised three children and become an architect as well. My next older brother is a graphic artist. My sister in Germany has learned fluent German and raised two adorable girls and teaches English, and my youngest brother is a professor of film on the east coast and will soon teach in London. My cousin who is like a brother to us is a doctor who has already retired. My nephew, son of my sister the architect has already worked on movie sets in video production and got a job recently working for the Minnesota Timberwolves showing movie clips to go with whatever kind of action occurs during the game. My nephew is so mature he is almost like another sibling.

And then there's me - the underachiever - the dreamer. But I'm fragile, and life is just a little harder for me. And it wouldn't be right to describe my siblings as I have without telling that they are also godly people with a spiritual side and are very decent as well as accomplished.