Sunday, November 12, 2006


My sister, who now resides in Germany, sent me this:

Mr. And Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton often insists her husband go
with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He
prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. One day
Mrs. Fenton recieves this letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban
both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our
video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below.

Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
ladies rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares..... And watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to
cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked
the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices

And last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"


Anonymous said...

That is hilarious! Of course, I'm not much of a browser either.

Trailady said...

Oh my- that is funny! Sounds like something my friend Shawn would do! Now I know what to do if I ever want to get myself kicked out of Walmart. LOL